Uncle Ant’s Agony and Ecstacy is a monthly column. Uncle Ant, or Agony Ant as we like to call him, will answer questions about anything to do with the world of arts, from how to maintain a soprano girlfriend, to how to pretend to be knowledgeable about paintings, to how to become a soprano girlfriend. Uncle Ant has an answer for everything. Direct your artistic angst to email@example.com.
Dear Agony Ant,
What a timely column! I have some questions for you. I know the DBKL’s list of guidelines for approval of scripts is quite demoralising and oppressive. But what’s with the silence at the theatres this year? Are there not creative ways to get around these guidelines? Are our playwrights just not creative enough or are they on a strike? – John
Beats me, John. This lull you report – don’t forget 2004 has barely begun (in fact, Baha’is and Druids mark the start of the new Solar Year as March 21) – could be due to shockwaves from the recent smash hit, Election Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Voter. Patrick Teoh and Edwin R. Sumun were illuminating as Poda and Puke. Takes a while to recover from a plot as obvious as that.
But let’s look on the bright side. Fewer shows means theatregoers end up with more cash to spend on other things, like fashion accessories. Good time to invest in lifestyle products and services. Besides, playwrights are like durian trees. They don’t fruit all year round. I bet they’re scratching their heads and crotches right now in front of their computers, looking for ‘creative ways to get around those guidelines.’ Give them a break, John. They deserve it.
Agony Ant! My girlfriend leave me for an actor! Summore he only new actor but act damm big shot!! We go for the cars party and sudenly he comes and talk to her… the hole time I stands there he smile at me ONE time and never looks at me after dat… he make the stupid jokes about this actors and that actors…. he is more bitch than the American Idol guy! One week after dat she break up with me! What so special about actors all the girls go GAGA?? How can I win her back? Do I must learn to be more bitch? – Dump in Damansara
Dear DID – I’m not surprised she dumped ya, bud. If you talk the way you write, she would have felt embarrassed to be seen and heard with you in classy circles. Enter an articulate “new actor” with a deep, plummy voice. Hmmm. I suggest you seriously upgrade your English, bud. Anyway, I detect a note of disappointment that the actor only smiled at you “ONE time.” Would you have dumped your girlfriend for him? Be honest now.
Hey, bud, look on the bright side (I’m fond of saying) … she’s now hanging out with the actor… but how do you know it isn’t just a platonic fling? After all, not all male actors are interested in girls that way. (Bud, I know how it feels to be dumped. My last girlfriend left me for a full-on psychotic. Mildly neurotic wasn’t rough enough a ride for her.)
If she can dump you once, she’ll dump you a dozen times – so why bother?
First Published: 05.04.2004 on Kakiseni