{"id":27566,"date":"2006-07-27T02:46:00","date_gmt":"2006-07-27T02:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/?p=27566"},"modified":"2024-07-04T14:14:49","modified_gmt":"2024-07-04T06:14:49","slug":"intimacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/artikel\/2006\/07\/intimacy\/","title":{"rendered":"Intimacy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Jo Kukathas<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The following was first presented at Utih… Celebrating Krishen, 28 Apr 2006, at Sek San’s Gallery.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It has been said that when you write\na biography of a friend you must do it as if you are taking revenge for him.\nThe same must go for eulogies. And while it was never said that tonight’s\ngathering was for eulogising Krishen, that’s all I think any of us want to do.\nAre capable of doing. It is too early to make words of art. Which is why I think\nwe have all turned to documentary. It is too early even for words which are\nartful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sake?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kampai!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My friendship with Krishen has been\nbuilt up over the years through a series of lunches. In public places, in\ntheatres, even in crowded rehearsal rooms we avoid each others eyes. We fear\nthe intimacy. But over lunch in Japanese restaurants in five star hotels all\nover KL we reveal everything. In Krishen I find a fellow traveller. An\nadventurer. But we’re slightly cautious adventurers: we take taxis and order\nthe same teapot soup and sashimi moriawase. We know what we like. We like\nconversation. We’re Indian.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m late for lunch with Krishen. I\narrive flustered apologetic. He is sitting in the lobby of the Renaissance\nHotel absorbed in a Time magazine cover story about Tiger Woods. I’m late. He\nsmiles beatifically. This Tiger Woods he says is an interesting guy. I love the\nway Krishen says the word ‘guuuy’. Sorry I’m late I say. You’re always late he\nsays. I protest. He smiles. Shall we?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lunch with Krishen is always Japanese. We like the calmness of the music. The neatness of the table. Over the structure and precision and elegance of lunch our conversation can take their flights of fancy. Juxtaposition.Tension.Drama. We talk about this. This Juxtaposition – Tension – Drama. We like talking drama. We like our flights of fancy. We like talking of things we like. Even more we like talking of things we don’t like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t like the way the theatre is headed I say. It’s worrying he says. What can we do? Do you think it’s time we got into a room together again? All of us. Talk. lf we can. If we’re capable<\/em> of it! We need to review the way we deal with the notion of our need for contemporary theatre says Krishen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s just a notion I ask? So far he says. So far. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sake?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kampai!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Krishen, like all great directors, questions the very notion of directing. He is not interested in directing plays but in the legacy of exploration. Krishen is all about explorations. Log books. Journeys. What is often regarded as his inconsistencies, his changes of systems in mid-rehearsal is merely the artist in Krishen searching for new materials experimenting with new materials. But his time management eventually ends with us experiencing the experiment rather than savouring the end of one particular journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are divided as to whether that is\na good or bad thing. I think that was Krishen’s thing. That was what\ndistinguished him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kampai!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He’s mentor and guru. But not just\nthat. Krishen is a democratic autocrat. He is the first among equals. He is the\nGrand Inquisitor. He knows his position is precarious. Krishen looks like he\nwas born for this role. The slight hunch. The pursed mouth. The steady gaze.\nThe silences. He makes you fill them. That is his skill. He sucks his breath\nuntil you speak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sake?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Krishen likes telling me the long\ncomplicated plot lines of the Bollywood movies he has just seen. He’s incensed\nnow because disc three of the movie he bought recently didn’t work. He had\nstarted watching the movie at midnight so it was two o’clock in the morning by\nthe time the pirated vcd seller’s heinous crime has been detected. By which\ntime  it’s too late to take three friends\nand a cudgel and go bash him up and\/or demand a new disc three. Krishen\nbreathes heavily. He’s become more Punjabi in his old age he says. But Krishen\nhas learned his lesson: he checks disc three now every time he buys a movie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sake?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve come to prefer cold sake I say. Is that right? says Krishen feigning deep interest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We talk instead about things we love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love hotel rooms Krishen says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Krishen loves hotels. A hotel room is his idea of heaven. Life stripped down to its essentials. He takes great delight in an electric kettle. The ice cube tray. The\u00a0packets of tea that magically\u00a0reappear every\u00a0day. He is a delighted traveller.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Krishen loves intimacy. Hotel rooms are that. Lunches are that. I’m no good in crowds he says. I like one on one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But a forum is a good idea. He chews a piece of salmon for about a minute and breathes heavily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Krishen loves the rehearsal room\ntoo. In the rehearsal room I’m alive he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For in this room he can create his\nmost powerful place for intimacy. It is an intimacy set up between strangers.\nThis IS powerful: the frisson of a stranger and the safety of the rehearsal\nroom. This is something Krishen the voyeur understood. That we need that\nintimacy. For conflict, collaboration love hate for the heart to keep beating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Krishen spent his life assembling\npeople.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is what Krishen does – he\nassembles people. He’s done it again today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I think what Krishen did that set him apart was that he assembled people for intimacy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is what he wanted. I don’t know if we’ve given him that tonight yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t if there is anyone here any more who can orchestrate that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that’s why I miss him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And even though intimacy is\nterrifying that is why you wanted to work with Krishen. Krishen always made you\nfeel singled out. He invited you to go along with his vague projects and see\nwhat you could discover about yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sake?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve taken the gingko nut out of the teapot and put in on a plate. What are you doing says Krishen. I like eating the ginkgo nut last I say. It has a nice bitter aftertaste. You’re weird says Krishen. Thank you I say bridling a little. What would you do if I took your ginkgo nut away? Could you cope? Would you go beserk? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually – I say. But not over lunch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He looks at me steadily. That’s your\nproblem he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shall we have a gin and tonic? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to take my other cocktail first he says. That’s what they call it. My cocktail of tablets. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He takes out his pillbox and arranges the pills on his table napkin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a paternal and a seductive\nquality to Krishen’s questioning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You want to resist him but you\ncan’t. He’s charming. He makes you feel singled out. Intimate. Hayati Mokhtar\nonce said to me that he was like a feudal lord – you will give him your sawa\npadi. He will know in his wisdom what to do with it. You will feel vaguely\nrobbed. You will give him more of your sawa padi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lunch meanders into late afternoon\ncoffee at the Regent Lounge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I fired an actor once he says. Only\nonce. What he was doing was harming everything else believed in. I thought I\ncouldn’t do the play without him. But I fired him. It felt good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We did the play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How was it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not very good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We take turns to be the subject of interrogation at these lunches. Today it’s my turn to be full of anxieties. You know what you should do says Krishen. What’s stopping you? I’m not sure. I think you do. You should do. What’s stopping you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m not good with people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Too bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We look at each other. Shall we? Says Krishen. We walk out to get a cab from the bellboy’s desk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Too bad.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ll have to take that ambiguous\nreply home with me. You’re annoying I tell him. You make my brain hurt. He’s\ndelighted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Krishen drops me home even though we\nlive on the opposite side of the federal highway. “Take care. See you\nsoon.  I don’t see enough of you.”\nWe hug, The taxi driver watches our intimacy in the rear view mirror.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think intimacy could be Krishen’s\nlegacy to us. I think it is a priceless one if we choose to accept it. But like\nmany of Krishen’s gifts it is hard to accept. It forces us to question why we\ndo theatre. But Krishen’s insistence on our offering ourselves up to\nobservation and questioning each other IS for me his legacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t know yet if I will take his\ngift home. But it is there on the table for us. A legacy is a living thing. As\nhis living legacies one day some of us will open that particular gift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t think I’ve even been able to\nbe vengeful tonight. Perhaps it is too early even for that. I’ve been having a\nhard time dealing with death myself this year. And in the midst of grieving\nalthough we try to conjure meaningful words we know there is more language in\nsilence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which is why we’ve met today to put\nwords and silence together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is a part of a poem I’d like to read for Marion. It is called COSC written by Pablo Neruda for a friend of his who died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I write these words down in my book, thinking <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

that this naked farewell, with him not present, <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

this simple letter, which cannot be answered,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

is nothing more than dust, cloud, ink, and words <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

and the only truth is that my friend is dead.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

First Published: 27.07.2006 on Kakiseni <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jo Kukathas The following was first presented at Utih… Celebrating Krishen, 28 Apr 2006, at Sek San’s Gallery. It has been said that when you write a biography of a friend you must do it as if you are taking revenge for him. The same must go for eulogies. And while it was never […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"iawp_total_views":3,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7758,7777,7762,7766],"tags":[265,484,4200,46],"writer":[7973],"class_list":["post-27566","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-artikel","category-obituari","category-teater","category-seni-visual","tag-krishen-jit","tag-obituary","tag-seksan-gallery","tag-theatre","writer-jo-kukathas-ms"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27566","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27566"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27566\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27683,"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27566\/revisions\/27683"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27566"},{"taxonomy":"writer","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myartmemoryproject.com\/ms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/writer?post=27566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}